detective mommy on the case

Do you know that gut-wrenching feeling when you know that something is wrong, but you just don't know what it is? I've even heard myself say, if only she had a fever then it would make sense. Looking at your child, and knowing that she just doesn't look right, but having no acute symptoms to fall back on, seems to be one of the hallmarks of my Molly.

I took her to the doctor on Wednesday, and I am going to praise him for a moment (not just because he might read this) because he knows me and Molly well enough to know that we're not making it up - there really is something going on. She had vague symptoms. Swollen glands, fatigue, paleness, and complaints of a belly ache with increased (but not febrile) temperatures. She's eating, but not like she normally does. She's having multiple zone-outs a day, whether these are all seizures or not, we aren't sure and she's internalizing (talking to herself and running in repeated patterns) much more frequently then normal. Her doctor spent so much time with her, and really checked her over. He did see some sores on her throat, but her strep test was negative. He gave me the best advice he could: watch her and wait, keep her hydrated and comfortable, and let her rest - check back in on Monday if she's worse.

Well, here it is Sunday. She has asked me to take her to the hospital today. In one moment she's lying down, moaning and saying her belly hurts and pressing on the lower right area. In the next moment, she's doing her stimming thing. Overall though, she's been very lethargic today. Lying on the couch, on the floor, in her bed, and in my lap. She's not sleeping, but she has dark circles under her eyes and she is pale as snow. The glands in her neck are swollen again this evening and the belly pain seems to come and go throughout the day. She's still eating and her temperature has taken a dip. She's still zoning out, A LOT. It looks like clusters of absence seizures, but it's so hard to tell. Chris and I really quite concerned about her, but we don't want to over-react, or under-react - it's a tough situation to be in.

As it stands right now, I think we're going to keep her home from school tomorrow and take her back to the doctors. Something is just not right. It's very hard with Molly because she has an incredibly high threshold for pain, and very rarely complains about things hurting even when you can tell they do. It's horrible to even say, but because she's been sick so much, I'm not even sure she knows the difference between feeling lousy and healthy. She climbed in my lap today, and just let out a big sigh and asked for a hug. I said, you just don't feel good do you baby? And she replied, no mommy I don't....

I guess we'll see, but I can tell you - don't google the symptoms she's experiencing, leave it to the pros, because the internet has a lot of scary information out there for her very vague symptoms! Tonight will be a night of watching and seeing and waiting and comforting. I'll give her a hug and just hold her - it's the only medicine I can dispense at this point!